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The Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator!
April 2014
Tue, Apr. 1st, 2014 08:31 am

So, purely out of curiosity, was anyone legitimately fooled by that?

Continuing on that curiosity cusp (and, really, for no other reason; this post is not an "I'm back!" or "I'm front!" or anything other than a momentary observation of a negative tenth anniversary of a regular writing schedule that meant a lot to me back in the day, along with all the parenthetical asides that that entailed)...is anybody still around on here?

Current Mood: indescribable indescribable
Current Music: Babybird - "Dead Bird Sings"


Thu, Apr. 1st, 2004 11:54 pm

Four is a magic number. It's four days before the tenth anniversary of "Saint" Cobain's exit. I've got that fucker beat every which way to Sunday. I always have. I've always been better than him. Ahead of him. I triumph yet again. Got you licked, you piece of shit. G Money Jones say his life was even shorter, sharper, and substantial than Seattle's Seraphim. Poo on you, KDC.

You know, you can't always be a genius. I've established that here in several ways. Sins of comission, sins of omission. Mostly the latter. Mostly the latter these latter days. You start off thinking LJ is this terrific conveyor belt for your thoughts, your perceptions. You attack it doggedly every day, trying to give shape to your mind. It's like the old days of the internet, really--or of BBSes--when people constructed binaries. You remember binaries. Those elaborate Pictionary™ pages constructed of nothing more than the Standard 101 Keys available on your Standard 101 Keyboard. Monochrome impressionism that translated, after hours of work and ceaseless fretting at the space bar, into a picture of Calvin. Or a bird, or an extremely crude pair of breasts. You were seeking to have the characters that poured out of you be the exact right ones, tabbed over just the right amount through sarcasm and subtext, in the exact right shape so that when you were finished, and you stood back from the monitor, you could see a picture of...you.

That's a project that the greatest writers find can never be completed. That's a project that the greatest writers find they can't stop attempting to complete, regardless. But you are not one of those greatest writers. You are not because you started to invite friends in to look at you. A harmless gesture--in fact, a downright healthy one at the time--but one that added the idea of community to that of construction. For a long time, there was nothing mutually exclusive about those two ideas. They complemented each other very well, in fact, and even when the inevitable Parade Of The LJ Surveys crept in to occupy your time instead of construction or community, you had no trouble snapping back to your regular size, juggling all those chainsaws at once and giving them all the right amount of gas. Go, you.

At some point--maybe it was five months after this all had begun, maybe it was five minutes, maybe it was five years--the novelty wore thin. You realized you weren't boundlessly talented enough to start constructing Flash Movies of sharks eating the text, or you didn't have the financial or temporal resources to put up those eighty pictures of last month's vacation in Monkey's Eyebrow, Montana, or you just didn't see what all that extra work was really netting you. Or maybe other, real-life factors started to change your LJ habits. Change of job, change of house, change of romantic partner, change of major, change of life, change of mind. For good OR for ill. Whatever was going on out there, things in here were tougher. Things were tougher.

And then, most likely, at some point, you opted, or life opted, or Ted Op Ted, to change your relationships toward some of those friends on here making up that word "community". Someone you knew a long time before there was an LJ in your life, or in the world. Or someone you met on it. Someone you then met in real life. Or someone you decided not to meet in real life. The particulars don't neccessarily matter. What does is that...you found you could no longer be honest on here anymore. Or as honest as you once were. Without hurting feelings. Without hurting your own feelings. Without disgusting yourself at how much you had changed.

And honesty, ultimately, was all you had to hold onto here. It was what made this space special for you. There's a place where honesty and complaints and frustration and it all coincides and collides and nobody's feelings are truly hurt, but you know, we can't always be as good as tallgirl at finding that space. Or as good as ALL of you are. Or as good as us were, heh. And if you realize that now you have to be delicate, or selective, with that honesty because of who might be listening in...things start to lost their charm. You didn't come here to visit a minefield. You came here to plant flowers. Now you have to watch your step, because kaboom.


Or else, none of this has happened to you at all and you're still delighted to have this big text box to come to everyday and it's cool and it roXors.

You're just here to put up your grocery list. Stop taking things so seriously, G. After all, you don't.

To which I say, good for you. And also, we have nothing in common at this moment.

I wanna be true, I gotta be true, to...you? Not always. Me? I hope so. God? I better.

Let's leave Him out of this.

(you can never leave Him out of this)

I wanna be true to when something's stale, when something needs to be different, when something needs to die.

I need to die.

"Problems do have solutions, you know," said an eminent old sage, a little over ten years ago. Hmm, not quite advanced enough to be ahead of him, now are you, G? But then, you never were. Right. Yes.

Hey, seriously. Thank you all for listening in, for saying things, for being things, NO for being people who continue to be brilliant, funny, compassionate friends who I'm so glad I've met. Who I love. "I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!" shouted KDC at the end of his little missive. I feel that way.

Even if I'm better than him.

But problems do have solutions, said MTR near the end of his little missive. And I understand that.




Hey, problem solved.



Current Mood: ?
Current Music: Human League - "Don't You Want Me"


Fri, Mar. 5th, 2004 09:21 pm
Two years, 216 posts. Most in 2002, less than half that amount in 2003, and none in 2004.


What the fuck was I supposed to be doing here again?

Whatever it is, it sure ain't working.

Current Mood: depressed depressed
Current Music: Bob Dylan - "If You See Her, Say Hello"


Tue, Dec. 23rd, 2003 04:45 am

My LiveJournal 12 Days
My True Love gave to me...
12 bobbydrake007s a-giggling.
11 echobooms a-munching.
10 freak1cs a-hollering.
9 imaginary_girls a-clucking.
8 lizzards a-squeezing.
7 moriana90s a-grunting.
6 nuclearjews a-tripping.
5 amethyst oceanics.
4 kicking sonic_symphonics.
3 French spicyflowers.
2 gerbil sun_set_bravelys.
And a tallgirl in a orange tree.
Get gifts! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

Current Mood: sleepy sleepy
Current Music: Johnny Cash - "We'll Meet Again"


Fri, Dec. 19th, 2003 03:07 pm

900K 4:11
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Mon, Dec. 8th, 2003 04:38 pm

1046K 4:47
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Fri, Dec. 5th, 2003 04:13 pm

990K 4:26
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Thu, Dec. 4th, 2003 04:17 pm

1090K 4:53
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Tue, Dec. 2nd, 2003 04:18 pm

1022K 4:35
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Mon, Dec. 1st, 2003 04:18 pm

916K 4:14
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